I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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