Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
