Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
