OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
