So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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