if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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