i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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