god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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