Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
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