Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
