I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize