I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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