phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
