Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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