Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
