Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Randomize
