How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
