She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
