You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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