theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
