ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
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