Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
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