you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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