Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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