you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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