we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
