His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
it was like eating out sand paper
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
