I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
