3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
