In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
