She is in my trunk
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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