you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
