i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
