dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
porn star boner night. come get it.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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