Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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