I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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