so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
