Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Randomize
