Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
