Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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