Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Randomize
