you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
