Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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