boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
