I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
