she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
