Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
