Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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