my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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