I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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