it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Green mimosas i think yes
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
