And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
