i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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