He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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