They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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