Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
