Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
