Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
