i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
