you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
