I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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