My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
