walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
