4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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