I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
