Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
