I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
