toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
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