I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Randomize
