We're like a lot better than the average bears
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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