u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
