the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
